


How to Order a Pizza

by PrimeBubbleLad



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Alien Sex, Belly Kink, Belly Rubs, Benreyism dirty talk, Coming In Pants, Dirty Talk, Dommy Tommy, Dry Humping, Feeding, Feeding Kink, Frottage, Hand Feeding, M/M, Masturbation, Nonbinary Benrey (Half-Life), Nonbinary Character, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Phone Sex, Pizza, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Stuffing, Teasing, They/Themrey, handjob, humping, knotcock, mild degrading, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:26:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27962243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrimeBubbleLad/pseuds/PrimeBubbleLad
Summary: The thing about phone numbers is that they're not like addresses. If you have the wrong address, you can simply leave and find the building you were looking for next door. However, if you have the wrong phone number, there's no telling which number you fucked up on.Tommy accidentally calls a sexphone for pizza.
Relationships: Benrey/Tommy Coolatta
Comments: 6
Kudos: 35





	How to Order a Pizza

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a joke between a friend and I and well.  
> We made a shitpost fic out of it lol, we co-wrote this but they prefer to be anonymous.  
> Hope you enjoy!  
> -Usual don't show minors, the crew, or anyone that doesn't say yes to seeing it.

Tommy got undressed from his work clothes, letting out a relieved sigh to finally be home. He had had a long day and didn’t have the energy to cook as usual, maybe he should treat himself this once and order a pizza, it can’t be too hard right? Tommy went to his phone and looked up a few numbers, one advertisement struck his interest.

_“Best sausage pizzas in town, get your epic extra large meat-deal today!”_

Tommy thought about it for a moment, was this like a specific Meat Lovers pizza? He hasn’t had one of those in a while, and if it's an ‘epic’ deal then why not give it a shot? Tommy dialed in the number and waited for the answer, hoping it wasn’t too late to order, he didn’t want to be a pain to a late-night worker.

“Hello?” A voice came from the other end of the phone, Tommy smiled.

“H-h-hello! I uh um, w-would like to order?” He asked, feeling a little anxious, not used to ordering on a phone.

“Oh hello, may I ask for your name, sweetie~?” the voice asked, with an unexpected sweet tone. Maybe they wanted to appear friendly?

“Uh, ye-yeah. It’s- I’m Tommy,” Tommy replied. He wasn’t really used to phone calls. In fact, he dreaded them quite a bit. But, you gotta do what you gotta do to order pizza. “Do you, uh, have any pizza s-specials?”

“Well Tommy, we’ve got a few good deals on, we do have a very specially thick sausage pizza guaranteed to fill you up nicely.” The person replied, it was a rather strange way to be talking about a simple pizza.

“Uh, okay. What toppings d-do you have?”

“Our workers do provide a delicious sauce to go with each meal, if you like a bit of salt on your tongue.” But didn’t almost all foods have salt in it?

“Uh- I’m asking about the- the pizza not the p-pasta bowls.” He didn’t know what sauce had to do with anything. Did they put alfredo sauce on pizzas now?

“Dear, I assure you our pizza delivery workers will ensure you get exactly what you’re tasting for.” They continued; the hell is the delivery person supposed to do? The pizza would’ve had to have been made first. Tommy was at a loss of words at this point.

“Uh- I’ll take the sausage pizza special,” Tommy asked.

“Excellent, it’s a classic deal dear, we’ll send someone over right away, enjoy your night~”

“Wait, you didn’t even g-give me my total! Or- or my address!” Tommy said, but the phone line already clicked off. Oddly enough, the end of call dial tone didn’t play and he instead heard quiet breathing from the other side of the line.

“Yo, you uh, ready for some epic funs tonight?” A- VERY familiar voice was suddenly heard on the other end of the call.

“B-benrey?” Tommy asked, confused.

"Oh yo bro, I didn't know you were into this shit.”

".. w-w-what?" Tommy asked, frowning slightly. Since when did Benrey work at Papa Johns? "I'm trying to order a pizza- uh i didn't know you worked at Papa Johns. No- no offense but your work manager is really weird."

"I'll be your Papa John," Benrey whispered into the phone. Tommy froze in confusion and let out a little gasp in realization.

The thing about phone numbers is that they're not like addresses. If you have the wrong address, you can simply hang up and find the building you were looking for next door. However, if you have the wrong phone number, there's no telling which number you fucked up on.

This was not a pizza place. This was a voicesex hotline.

"You know how to cook pizza?" Tommy asked bluntly. He knew this had nothing to do with pizza. Pizza was being used as a euphemism for sex. But, he didn’t have the heart to hang up. That’d be rude.

“I can uh, whip up a nice thick roll of sausage for ya bro, want some of that uh, sweet hog for your buns? Or, flat buns, if you’re a fucken pizza.”

“Uh, sure?”

“You ordered a sausage, bro. And here I am, the sausage.”

“Okay, uh, what- what sausages you- do you have?” Tommy asked, chuckling slightly. He felt a little silly to hear these words coming from him.

“Oh bro we got uh, epic gayming schlongers, gotta get them freshly pumped up just for you good Tommy, good sir. Is uh, nice ‘n warm meaters.” Benrey rambled on, any ‘normal’ person would think they were taking the mickey out of it all, that they weren’t taking any of this seriously.

“Uh, you wanna- wanna tell me what s-sorta meat you got? So- so I know what I’m getting?” Tommy said, sitting back on the couch, much more relaxed now that he was talking to someone he knew across the other line.

“Tommy wanna know about my uhh, epic gamer schlong? Wanna, wanna visualise it good and deep in your brainhole?” Benrey asked, their voice a little lower now. Tommy could almost see Benrey tilting their head down and making their eyes tint a glowing yellow under the shade on their face.

“Y-yeah. I- uh- want to know what I’m getting,” Tommy said, matching Benrey’s tone. He was really diving into this- this silly roleplay now.

“Well uh, it's a lil raw right now bro, ya know, gotta warm it up, make it nice and firm in the oven. It’s still neatly in its package.” Benrey explained, who most likely was now palming at their own crotch, comforting arousal of their client being their own epic bestie.

“Oh no, the pizza isn’t cooked yet? How can I help cook it uh-up? Get it, nice- nice and firm?”

Tommy could almost swear he heard a small breath hitch on the other end.

“Bro gotta uh, get the meat warmed up, gotta uh… Put some-some of that lubrication sauce on the pan, so it not go all sticksy. Ya know bro?” Benrey seemed to be losing their thoughts of words, dissociating or-a little flustered?

“O-okay, I’ll make sure to do that,” Tommy said, shifting slightly to unbutton his pants. He got up to grab some lube and sat back down on the couch. Tommy set down the phone to put it on speaker so he could call hands-free. “W-warm it up, huh?”

Benrey let out a small gulp. “Yeah bro, get your uh, phat cockers for the meat-lovers. Sure to fill your mouth up good.” Benrey felt their own face heat up, thinking of seeing what Tommy was doing. This was different to some stranger, this was… with someone familiar. He’d be lying if he didn’t imagine Tommy to be on the other side of some of his other calls.

“...keep talking, Benrey. Wh-what do- what are you going to fill my mouth with?” Tommy sighed, sliding the lubrication on himself.

Tommy could hear the sound of a zipper on the other side and Benrey’s slightly nervous breathing.

“Fill your uh, that sweet mouth up good with my meat bro, got uh, gonna rub all the seasoning on your tongue. Special Benny flavouring.”

“Special Benny flavouring? Just for me?” Tommy asked smugly.

“Y-yeah bro! Just for you, just for my uh, best bud Tommy, bestest bud bro.”

“That’s- that’s not a very good way to run a business, Benrey.”

Benrey audibly stuttered for a moment. “W-wha? Bro I run a perfectly good business!”

“Just because I like your dick doesn’t mean- doesn’t mean you can- can slack on the advertising.”

Benrey felt more heated at that, the fuck? Benrey pulled down their pants to relieve some of the pressure pressing on their tentadick.

“Why you bein’ so mean to be bro? Was uh, doin’ some epic customer service, makin’ it all good and great cool for you.”

“Epic customer service? I-I’d say it’s okay,” Tommy said, running his hand along his length. He picked up the phone with his other hand and pinned it between his shoulder and head. “I- I think you forgot about the oven- the pizza in the oven.” Degrading

Benrey breathed a little heavier, this took a rather unexpected turn.

“Oh, shit bro, guess I may have to uh, just give you the extra-long sausage, might uh, f-fuck.” Benrey spluttered. Benrey felt down and their slit was wet from this. “Fuck…”

“You’re- you’re not being a very good cook, Benrey. Do- do I need to tell you what to do?” Tommy said. He let out an exaggerated moan, picturing that Benrey would probably get off to that.

Benrey let out an audible whine. “I’ve uh, I been a bad worker bro? Gonna uh, have to teach me to make your meat properly?”

“Yeah- uh, I gotta tell you what to do.”

“You uhh, my boss or some shit now? Boss Tommy eh? Gotta call you sir?” Tommy sighed and rolled his eyes.

“If you want to know how to make my meat, you’ve gotta know the correct way to make your meat. Isn’t that right?”

“M-My meat is perfectly phat an’ epic thooough.” Benrey whined playfully.

“But- But have you prepped it correctly?”

Benrey gulped a little, holding their dick in their free hand.

“It's uh, a lil lonely bro, all alone and stiff.”

Tommy let out an exaggerated sigh. “Oh dear, this is in a more d-dire situation than I thought. I’ve got to t-teach you everything.”

Benrey shuddered on the other end, they teasingly rubbed their fingers between their slit’s folds.

“Ooh no, I’ve been uh, such a bad server, sir. What ya uh, gonna do about it? What ya want me to do for ya?”

“You haven’t asked me w-what I wanted, Benrey,” Tommy growled into the phone. “No- no wonder you’re such a bad server.”

Benrey let out a needy squeak. “I-I’m sorry sir, Tommy sir don’t be mad a lil ol’ Benny, I’ma do anythin’ bro.”

“Can- can you order me a pizza?” Tommy said, in a casual tone. He was kinda hungry actually and didn’t expect this phone call to last so long.

“Y-yeah bro, whatever ya want.” Benrey was now confused if Tommy was serious or not. They can’t just get up and leave work- Wait when did Benrey care? Of course they’d just get up and leave to go give Tommy something.

Benrey ordered a large sausage pizza for Tommy and drove over to his house, pizza box in hand. Tommy cracked open the door and smiled tiredly.

“You uh, happy now bro? I’m a good worker now?” Berney asked, giving Tommy the big puppy eyes.

“Yeah- you- you did great, Benrey,” Tommy said, inviting Benrey in and motioning him to sit on the couch. Benrey chose the seat nearest to the door and moved towards it. “Uh- not- not there, actually. B-Benrey don’t sit on my wank seat, it’s not polite.”

Benrey moved to the other cushion and Tommy went to the kitchen to get plates. He came back and handed Benrey a plate of pizza and sat right next to them.

“Thanks for getting pizza,” Tommy said, giving Benrey a small kiss on the head. “This- uh- this is a lot more pizza than I expected.”

“It's uh, extra large bro, gonna be big, ya know, big meaters.” Benrey said, taking a slice and eating it. Tommy yawned a little from having a long day, and from the events of earlier. Benrey looked over and saw the bags under Tommy’s eyes and heard the hungry growl from Tommy’s stomach.

“You look so tired bro, got uh, low battery? Drained it up?” Benrey asked, Tommy chuckled a little and nodded.

“Y-Yeah, I guess so.” Tommy responded, Benrey moved a little closer and ran their hand down Tommy’s hair, soothing him.

“You should uh, lay back and relax a lil’, can let your bestie Benny take care of ya.” Berney said, Tommy smiled tiredly and leaned back on the couch, feeling Benrey’s soft strokes through his hair. Benrey took a fresh slice of pizza and held it to Tommy.

“I-I-I’m perfectly capable of eating by m-myself.” Tommy said, Benrey just shrugged.

“You looked too comfy to move bro.” Benrey did have a point, and it was… rather nice for someone for someone to care about him, let him relax. Tommy opened his mouth and let Benrey put some of the pizza in, he bit down and Benrey pulled the slice away so he could eat. It was delicious, Tommy closed his eyes and leaned against Benrey with a soft hum.

Benrey blushed slightly from Tommy’s body leaning against them and their satisfied noise from the pizza. Benrey watched Tommy as he ate, wanting to keep stroking his hair but one hand was holding the slice while the other was stuck under Tommy. Benrey watched Tommy’s throat bulge as he swallowed.

“More bro?” They ask, Tommy looked up and nodded.

“Uh, yeah, su-sure. Sure...” Benrey smiled and helped Tommy to some more of the pizza, pretty much forgetting to have any more themselves, content with just admiring Tommy.

They continued this... strangely sweet and tender moment, Tommy ending up laying on Benrey, Benrey’s back against the armrest as Tommy was under their arm and head by Benrey’s chest, softly chewing at the pizza slice in his mouth. Benrey’s body was warm, but their face was heating up more, feeling Tommy move when he was chewing, listening and watching his throat when swallowing. Wanting to admire every detail of him. Benrey took a moment to look down Tommy’s body, he was more than just tall and slim as others saw him, he was gorgeous, he was an amazing man that understood them. Their joint alienness did help but Tommy is still a wonderful being to them. Benrey’s eyes then landed on their, oh shit.

Fuck.

Benrey’s got a fucken boner, and Tommy has no idea. He was still sorta blue balled from the call earlier but now since he was so close yet to Tommy, it was even more urgent. Benrey blushed even harder, Tommy’s thigh was against theirs so it wasn’t touching their dick, but he was so damn close. Benrey was becoming more aware of how close they both were, they could hear Tommy’s breathing and chewing.

“Mm… this is n-nice…” Tommy muttered, Benrey swallowed a little too loud and nodded.

“Y-Yeah bro, it's uh, nice. Mhmm.” Benrey replied, Tommy made a soft groan and shifted against Benrey’s body.

“I’m uh… I-I’m full…” Tommy said, Benrey nodded and ate the slice Tommy hadn’t finished. Tommy pressed further into Benrey, he felt all warm and full from the pizza. Benrey used their now free hand to stroke circles on Tommy’s head, rewarded with Tommy snuggling closer but it only made their cock twitch in need, their pants getting wet with slick. Tommy’s face seemed to be showing discomfort, Benrey ran a few fingers down his face.

“What’s wrong bro?” They asked, Tommy tiredly looped his arm around Benrey’s chest.

“I uh… t-t-think I had a bit much…” Tommy mumbled, Benrey moved their hand down to Tommy’s slightly risen stomach and gave it a soft pat, they gently stroked Tommy’s belly in circles in a soothing motion. Tommy sighed with content, along with small pleased hums which sent waves of heat through Benrey’s body. The thought that Tommy was making those noises at Benrey’s touch. Tommy felt safe and so warm in Benrey’s arms, his body was tired but couldn’t help the natural reaction to being so close to Benrey, they were so soft and gentle to him. The feeling of Benrey’s hand on his stretched tummy was relaxing, almost forgetting any form of discomfort from focusing on Benrey’s body, their touch, their voice. Everything.

Benrey wanted to do more to relax Tommy, making him feel even more better, because Benrey’s a big cool like that, great bud to Tommy.

“How’s uh, how’s it feel now?” They asked.

“Oh um, it’s still a little sore b-b-but a lot better…” Tommy replied, Benrey moved from their snuggling position for a moment, Tommy almost whined at the lack of Benrey’s body but was halted in his thoughts when Benrey knelt beside the couch, Tommy laying on the couch watching them. Benrey loomed over Tommy’s body, their eyes glowing dimly. Benrey inhaled deeply and gripped the end of Tommy’s shirt.

“M-may I? Please and thank you?” They asked so politely, how could Tommy say no to such manners?

“S-s-sure.” Tommy replied, Benrey lifted Tommy’s shirt, revealing his smooth skin. Tommy had really light body hair, it was most visible on his stomach. Benrey leaned down and brushed their face against the skin, Tommy’s breath shook from how close they were, how… intimate it seemed, Benrey taking such delicate care of how close they were. Tommy breathed in a little deeper, making his full belly rise more and touch against Benrey’s face. Benrey relaxed a little and nuzzled against Tommy’s stomach, feeling the soft hairs brushing against his face. Benrey placed soft warm kisses along Tommy’s belly, Tommy let out a little surprised gasp at the sensitivity of his stomach, Benrey’s warm kisses sent little jolts through his system. Benrey could hear Tommy’s breathing, or more feeling against their face through his stomach, Benrey’s hands joined and felt up Tommy’s body, Benrey’s mind raced through how amazing it felt to touch him, to listen and kiss him. Tommy’s skin felt like velvet against their lips, Tommy let out a soft moan from Benrey’s kisses becoming wetter, feeling the cool air against wet patches. Tommy felt his body heat up like it did earlier, his dick quick to poke out the slit. Tommy closed his eyes and bucked slightly, Benrey noticed it from the corner of their eye and traced their hand down to Tommy’s crotch.

“Benrey…” Tommy breathed out, he felt Benrey’s hand palm at his crotch, his cock swelling up and making a bulge under his pants. Benrey got up and laid on top of Tommy, pressing their bulges together, feeling each other’s needy wet cocks curling and squirming from the promise of friction.

“I-I got ya bro, gonna feel so poggers, so epicically good.” Benrey said, Tommy smiled and cupped Benrey’s face, pulling them closer for a kiss. Benrey kissed back and started to grind against Tommy, feeling their cocks throb and their full bellies press against each other. Tommy groaned at the weight against his swollen full stomach, but the pleasure from Benrey humping his cock was so good, it made him leak through his pants.

“Benrey… Benny oh m-my…” Tommy moaned against Benrey’s lips, the pressure and squeezing on his cock from Benrey’s crotch and his own body was already piling up and becoming intense. Benrey’s soft moans were music to Tommy’s ears, wanting to listen to the other alien moan for him, feeling Benrey’s dick pressing against the fabrics of their pants. Benrey and Tommy continued exchanging kisses and soft touches, Benrey shivering as their humping got faster, Tommy could tell by their rapid breathing that they were getting close.

“T-Tommy… fuck, gonna, need to let out a fat nut bro, gotta get my moutain dew juices out…!” Benrey’s body was becoming tense with need and Tommy held them close, feeling close himself from the constant stimulation.

“D-d-don’t stop…!” Tommy moaned, wrapping his legs around them. “You’re b-b-being so good Benny, f-f-feels so good…!” Tommy kissed Benrey’s neck, biting gently as Benrey tensed up against him.

“You g-gonna pop and f-f-fizz like a soda can?” Tommy whispered. Benrey’s body shook against Tommy and he felt the pulses of Benrey’s cock as they came hard, cumming inside their pants. Benrey slumped against Tommy panting heavily, Tommy stroked Benrey’s back gently as they came down from the high. Benrey whined at the soft touches and feeling how wet their crotch was from cumming in their pants.

Tommy groaned a little at how painfully hard he was, Benrey unzipped his pants and pulled out Tommy’s thick boner.

“Damnn your dick is straight up obese.” Benrey complimented as they stroked him, Tommy snickered and moaned against them as Benrey’s thumb rubbed at Tommy’s tip. Benrey watched the yellowy tint of Tommy’s alien precum dripped down their hand.

“Gonna uh, gonna release your mustard on me?” Benrey asked, Tommy just laughed at the thought, then Benrey squeezed him like a condiment bottle and he was cumming. With a loud moan Tommy arched his back as the base of his cock knotted and swelled, thick ropes of cum spilling out onto his stomach and Benrey’s hand. Benrey curiously licked the cum off their hand, looking at Tommy’s blissed out face.

“Bro you didn’t tell me your uh, your cummies were actually fizzy!” Benrey said, Tommy blushed hard and chuckled.

“U-Uhh. Y-y-yeah.”

“Soooo, whenever you drank soda you were thinkin’ of jizz?”

“B-B-B-Benrey!!” Tommy covered his face as Benrey cackled and snuggled up against the taller man. Tommy sighed and gave Benrey a kiss on the head.

“T-t-thanks for, for delivering to me.”

“Anytime bro!” Benrey grinned wide, Tommy gave them a kiss on the lips. The two laid in each other’s arms, soon falling asleep because full bellies and intense nutting is exhausting.

Tommy shall be more mindful of where he calls next time.

**Author's Note:**

> Come check out some hlvrai porn drawings from me at https://twitter.com/Prime18A if ya want :3  
> Hope you enjoyed.


End file.
